


Sincerely, Deceit

by Ceya



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Deceit Sanders Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Suicide, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, shitload of angst ya'll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23945827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceya/pseuds/Ceya
Summary: l'appel du videDeceit makes a decision.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 143





	1. Six Steps Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings, I don't really write that often, this is my first semi finished fanfic and I'm kinda new here so please don't eat me.  
> Comments are appreciated. Also, read the tags.   
> Take care of yourselves.

The border to the void was divine, cold and unforgiving and tempting. It seemed to absorb any form of light. Deceit stared at it, unable to move his eyes away from the seemingly endless nothingness. 

A laugh echoed through the mass. It was Thomas, on his first birthday. Deceit looked at the blurry picture of the toddler, a feeling of guilt settling in his stomach. 

“I’m sorry.”

A gloved hand wiped away the tears on his face, his body loosing the sense of touch. 

He could hear voices, a fight. Someone was arguing. Thomas had broken something, and told a lie. His parents weren’t happy. The next image was of his own, very young face. Small scales on his left cheek, glistening in an artificial light. He remembers dark rooms. Being told he was doing a foul thing. 

There was green and purple, the ever-present chill on their side never mending.  
Warmth spread through the deceitful side’s body, disappearing as fast as it came. Deceit struggled to stay standing. They left him once, it was his turn now.

“I’m sorry.”

The void seemed to move slightly closer to him. The memories stopped, and he was greeted with oppressing silence. He glanced back to where he came from.  
The others would be asleep, he made sure of it. All he needed to do now was to swallow his own cowardice and go. He wanted to have control over this, anything else didn’t matter. Deceit has lost his purpose of self-preservation. 

Not one of his words portrayed his true intentions, they never did. In the end he only hurt Thomas and the others in the long run. The sides in the dark could introduce themselves when they were ready. Who was he to decide that for them? They wouldn’t be met with rejection and disgust either, with Patton’s recent development. Morality finally understood now that the world isn’t as black and white as he thought. It was okay to take things easy, to watch out for yourself every now and then. Remus was a valid part of the family, now. They invited him to movie nights.  
Oftentimes Deceit would sit alone in his dark and now almost barren room and read. Not that he really had anything else to do. Over time, he realized changes around him.  
The others started to pay less and less attention to him. He was often excluded from meetings or conversations, when they forgot he existed for a while. Deceit figured it wasn’t really their fault. He had been rather introverted lately. 

Out of sight, out of mind. 

But that terrified him, more than anything else. Was he really needed, when even he couldn’t remember his own name? Deceit spent the silent moments to think. The moments turned into days, days to weeks. And a split thought turned into a decision.  
Why should he stay? Why should he live a life existing as background noise? It was time to clean up. Why waste space when there could be someone more capable of doing his job? Deceit felt his feelings and memories leave him. 

He thought about Logan, Roman and Remus, about Patton and Virgil and Thomas, _dear Thomas_. He thought about the ones in the dark, no name to their titles yet. He knew they would be sad, devastated even, as they all shared Thomas’ empathy. 

On second thought, if no one sees him walking by, would he really leave such an impression on them? Maybe once he stepped through the darkening mass they really would forget him for good.

He couldn’t take it anymore. The emptiness was replaced by pain, denying him a steady breath. Deceit doesn’t know how long he had been standing here, holding himself back.  
He looked back at the void, its call louder than before. He took a sharp breath in.

“I’m sorry.”

Silence answered him. 

Now he was standing at the border, not a soul awake to stop him, taking six steps forward.


	2. From me to you

To the Sanders,

I am very aware of the fact that my actions will not be received well. I hope the dynamic of your family will not be damaged by this. Please hand out the letters to the addressed individual. By the time you read this, it will already be over. This is my goodbye.

Sincerely, 

Deceit.

\---

Dear Logan,

When you carry a name, you carry a personality and with that, responsibility. You are a problem solver, Logan. Straightforward and logical.  
I need you to stay grounded in this situation, for the others and yourself.   
Maybe you can’t understand my motivation, or maybe I’m insulting your intelligence, but trust me when I say my reason to leave was justified. I have been thinking about it for quite a long time, really. My replacement should be able to do this job better than I ever could. I ask of you to guide them through the basics. Please be there for each other. And remember, it is okay to express your emotions, Logan. You are not a robot. 

Sincerely,

Deceit. 

\---

Dear Roman,

Ever since the split I have been thinking about the differences between you and your brother.  
I know that this thought also keeps you up at night. Don’t compare yourself with others, Roman. You are very special in your own way. You are able to create such wonderful, loving worlds and your passion for the things you like is unrivaled. You led Thomas to a beautiful path of self-expression; don’t forget what we stand for.   
You were also one of the few who knew I wasn’t all deception and lies. I tried to fight for the callback. I know it meant a lot to you and Thomas, and I’m sorry. But there are still so many dreams to fight for, and don’t be afraid to raise your voice a bit more to be heard.   
You are valid and you deserve to be seen. Please look out for the others, yourself included. 

Sincerely, 

Deceit.

\---

Dear Remus,

I know that this will be hard for you. Silence was never your best companion.   
Please don’t question my intentions. I have chosen to leave on my own accord. Don’t follow in my footsteps and don’t take the blame for this.   
Let the others find the passionate man behind the grotesque ideas. You are brave and controversial, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.   
I was glad to find you rebuild your bond with your brother. Keep working things out. You both need each other, especially now.   
I am sorry to leave you like this, still. I know how hard Virgil’s departure affected you. But you have a family to fall back on, so please make use of that. I know they’ll catch you. Something I’ve failed to do too many times and I can only hope you can forgive me. 

Sincerely, 

Deceit.

\---

Dear Patton, 

I have always admired the way you approached everything in life with hope. I dare say I envied you. I could never quite hold it together as you did. Feelings are a fickle thing, positive as well as negative. I regret that we were never able to really talk.   
You might have found that we have many things in common, outside of being parts of the same personality. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to join your family for dinners. It was a thought that kept me going for as long as I did. But being accepted is not a thing that happens overnight and simple actions of kindness or well intended proposals are not the key to approval, I know that now. I never wanted to bring any of you harm, my purpose was to protect. And I failed.   
Please do me a favor and welcome my new successor with open arms. Teach them that it is okay to be open about your feelings and be honest sometimes.   
The same goes for you, Patton.

Sincerely,

Deceit.

\--- 

Dear Virgil,

This may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve always seen you as a little brother of mine.   
I cared for you, all of you. But sometimes when we are given a difficult choice we have to make difficult decisions, you of all people should know that. I will not lie to you about this, it hurt when you left, Virgil. But I respected the path you’ve chosen. I wouldn’t have done it differently. I know you will blame yourself for this, maybe think about possible alternate outcomes, where it never got this far. Virgil, I want you to take a deep breath and focus on the future.   
This is not your fault. Don’t dwell on the past, try to make the day count and please, carry my name with your memories. I am sorry to leave you like this. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person. 

Sincerely,

Deceit.

\--- 

Dear Thomas,

It was an honor, to have been a part of something so beautiful, and almost magical, as your life.   
I loved seeing you grow up and thrive, I hoped for you in hard times. I knew that you were always able to pull through.   
I'm glad that you found what you wanted to do in life. Keep finding yourself and discover the world for me, but take care of yourself when you venture out there.   
Thank you for giving me a voice. I tried as hard as I could to guide you, to protect you and I am truly sorry if I ever made you question whether or not you are a good person. Listen to the others, and I mean all of them, and take their advice to heart. 

I am sorry. 

Sincerely and yours truly, 

Deceit.


End file.
